Singleness is NOT an Epidemic

Kimberly Johnson

Last year, I got into the show How I Met Your Mother. The show is basically a story about a guy, named Ted, who sits his kids down to tell them the “long story” of how he and their mother met. I’ve been binge-watching the past eight seasons, and I’ve totally misjudged the level of awesomeness that the cast and the writers are on. The way they tie things together throughout the seasons is mind bogglingly brilliant. I’ve realized something about Ted though. I think Ted had to go through the journey that he went through to get to a place where he was mature enough to be in the kind of relationship that he and the mother have.

I bring them up in a post like this because I’ve learned something from that show, and it’s something I was told years ago, but never really listened to.  It’s this:

“Everything has a season.”

My parents used to say that to me all the time, and it’s something I seem to find true.  I firmly believe that everything happens when it needs to happen, and wasting time worrying about something (or someone) not being in our lives does nothing for us but cause unnecessary stress.  There is a time to be single, and there is a time to be in a relationship, and while neither option is entirely perfect, both are important parts of our lives that co-exist, on some level, for some reason.

I am so sick and tired of seeing people feel bad about their singleness (this goes for me too). I can’t count the number of times when I’ve had the following conversation,

“Are you single?”

*Sighs and shrugs/sags shoulders*


Why do people respond that way? When did it become uncool to be single?  While I agree there are benefits to being in a relationship, I think being single is awesome. Singleness is an opportunity to do whatever you want, go wherever you want, and real talk, it’s a time you don’t have to shave you legs for ANYBODY unless YOU want to!

I think especially at times in my life when a lot of my good friends are in exciting new relationships, I definitely get jealous, but I also know where I’m at right now in my life; that I’m not in a place where I need a relationship, and I know that wanting one (right now) would be for all the wrong reasons.

I don’t think a person should ever feel like they NEED to be dating – no one ever NEEDS a boyfriend or girlfriend. People NEED to be okay with being “alone.” Singleness is not an epidemic; it’s a season, and I’m tired of watching people trying to get rid of it like it’s a mole that needs to be burnt off.  Singleness is when you get to learn about yourself, and while you can learn about yourself in a relationship, what I’ve heard (from friends and family that are currently dating) is that it’s a little harder.

And here’s a thought: If healthy relationships are about giving yourself to someone, how can you be in a relationship when you have no idea what you’re giving? We need to know where we stand on things. We need to know what’s important to us, and why. Singleness, as a time in our lives, is a time to learn exactly that.