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Breaking Up With Friends: Is It Time to Call It Quits?

Hamna Awan

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Breakups. We all go through them at one point or another in our lives. I mean, even Marshall and Lilly (from How I Met Your Mother) called it quits for a short while (a time we would all like to forget, I’m sure). The experience is practically unavoidable. But what I’d like to talk about are a different—and arguably more painful—kind of breakups: friendship breakups.

Now, friendships are weird. I don’t think I’ve ever actually sat down with a friend and said something along the lines of, “I think it’s time we stop this thing we’ve got going on here”, or “This friendship is just not working out… You’re great, though”. It’s just not something that’s ever occurred to me to do, and I can’t say it’s ever happened to me either, although we have broken up in many different ways.

Again, friendships are weird.

In a vacuum, our lives are basically an ongoing process of meeting new people and letting go of old ones (not all of them, of course). It’s just that, as we get older and grow as people and progress in our lives, it’s inevitable that we outgrow some friendships and simply drift away from others.

The way I see it, when it comes to any friendship, there are four possible pathways down which one can travel.

a)    Keep them around.

Keep that friendship alive and healthy because you love them and they are kind, wonderful, supportive people who love and care for you and fill important spaces in your life.

b)    Let the drifting occur.

It’s not that you two don’t love and care for each other—your lives are just different. When you hang out, you have nothing to talk about, and keeping up with someone whose life is so different from yours can be tough and takes a lot of energy.

I feel like this is particularly difficult for young adults like ourselves. As students attending the number one university in Canada, we can barely keep our heads above the water between painful amounts of schoolwork, extracurricular activities, resume-builders, part-time jobs, etc. etc.

Ain’t nobody got time to chase people!

Note—it’s okay to let drifting happen. Sometimes people are just not right to be in your life at that time and in that capacity; this is okay.

c) You rarely see them, but (and this is how C differs from B) that doesn’t affect your friendship.

Now, personally I find that this is rare, and when it does occur, you should consider yourself one lucky goose. You know you’ve found something special when you cannot be around them for a considerable amount of time, but once the two of you are together, it feels like you were never apart.

I mean, I have friends I only see a couple of times a year. My best friend from high school—at the time we were inseparable (we even changed our last names on Facebook to each other’s first names… Some serious best-friendship going on there)—now goes to a different school and we see each other only during holidays and big events. We even live three blocks from each other, but we both just have our own busy lives.

Sounds super depressing, but it’s not, because the second we’re reunited, we have an absolute blast. There are no secrets or fears of judgement, and we could literally sit there in silence doing nothing whatsoever and have an amazing time.

At this point, I’d really like to stress—friendships are weird.

But also wonderful.

d) Formally break up with them.

This option should be reserved for special cases—I like to call them “toxic friendships”.

These are the people who bring you down. They take every opportunity to remind you of your past mistakes and your flaws, and are all around just a source of negativity in your life. These people must be formally cut out, because you need to ensure that that source of negativity is not linked to you in any way, and thus has no way of worming its way back in.

Well, there ya have it, folks. Friend breakups. They’re difficult, no denying that. But you gotta know which people to keep around and which people to let go.

The important thing to remember is: if they love you, care about you, support you, have your best interests at heart—and you feel the same way about them—and the two of you have a great time together, they are a catch. Keep them. Love them. Nurture them.

They is kind. They is smart. They is important. (The Help reference, anyone??)

Does a new year mean a new you?

Darren Clift

 

It’s a new year! It’s a cause of celebration for most—a time when old grievances can be forgotten and we can all move forward into the future. This could be the year when some of our dreams come true, but not without a little luck and a lot of hard work first. Speaking of hard work, how are your resolutions coming along, if you made any? We all undoubtedly have things that we’d like to change for the better about ourselves, but it’s never quite that easy, is it? Committing to eating better, exercising regularly… Resolutions are hard to keep in our already busy day, especially during the long, cold season of winter. Laziness and procrastination are easy to give into when the temperature plummets… I’ve been guilty of forgoing going for a run lately due to a crippling case of idleness, and it’s self-deprecating.

Getting out of the lazy funk is no simple feat and honestly, there’s no simple answer. Everyone is different—our experiences are different, our motivations are different, our 2014s were entirely different. Yet, as cheesy as it sounds, 2015 is a new year. A fresh start, as it were. Your past mistakes and regrets are just that, in the past. Make 2015 a year with as few regrets as you can personally manage. Live your life with an open mind, with set goals, and a hopeful attitude… Embrace your passions and let them be your guide into a better future. Find something that motivates you in a positive way to be happier or to work harder, and use it to move step by step in the direction of your goals.

Write your goals down on a calendar, on your phone… Somewhere where you’ll be forced to see them until they are achieved. You’ll only be cheating yourself if you don’t meet them to some degree. Are you really looking forward to a show on TV tonight? Commit yourself to going for a walk before it airs… Around the block is good enough this time of year! Then tomorrow, make your walk a little longer—walk around the block twice, and so on. It’s the small steps towards betterment that are often the most effective in the end. Just getting up and improving yourself in some way is proof that you are stronger than you realize.

You don’t have to overhaul your entire life… It might be a new year, but that doesn’t necessarily mean a totally new you. A slightly improved, marginally wiser version of the old you will do just fine, as long as you choose to improve and put in the time to see it through. It’s not going to be easy, but nothing in life is. If you want something, you have to put in the time and effort to achieve it yourself. I think I’ll go out for that run now… or maybe just a walk. 2015 will be what you make of it—make it a step in the right direction.

2015 is Just a Number

Christine Sharma

 

I had 2014 all planned out for my personal happiness, motivation, and memories:

Last New Year’s Day, I made three resolutions.

1. Find a class at the RAWC; go weekly.

2. Get my G license.

3. If you make a choice, follow through.

Last New Year’s Day, I developed a bunch of pictures of me and my friends and stuck those by my bedroom door. I typed out short motivational quotes and stuck them by my door, too.

“Movies and books—feels lie HERE.”

“Looking good leads to feeling good.”

“Do your thing.”

Last New Year’s Day, I made a moment box out of a shoebox, where I intended to write down memorable moments on scraps of paper and read them at the end of the year.

I begin 2015 with none of the same sentimentality. Everything I planned to do to track 2014 went down the drain somewhere in May. I stopped going to the gym, I never got my G license, and I didn’t keep track of following through with choices I made. I tore the motivational quotes and the pictures of my friends down and stuffed them in a drawer. Moments in the moment box came to a halt (although the first half of the year was a fun read—moment box is definitely worth a try!). None of these habits made me as happy or as motivated as I thought they would.

Although it was nice of me to set my year up for happiness, I was doing it wrong. I realized if I was going to set a goal or change my habits, why wait for a new year? Why did I wait until January 1st, 2014 to set all of those tasks in motion?

Regardless, the resolutions, the quotes, and the moment box didn’t increase my happiness. In fact, I generally felt sad for months last year.

I don’t want to count my life in calendar years any more. If I think about making a change and I think that change will be good for me, I resolve to try it out today. If that change doesn’t work, I’ll revise and make another change. I won’t wait for 2016 to go to the gym or to get my license. Today is just another day, and this year is just another year.

If you’re going to make a change or a resolution, why wait? 2015 is just a number. Try new things regularly. Make small changes to your habits and see how they affect your happiness and motivation.

Resolve to be a better you today!

Have any new resolutions today? Let me know; comment below!

When University Goes out of Its Way to Annoy Me

Marium Faisal

 

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Ah, the world of pet peeves. It is vast and filled with all sorts of things that tick off both you and me. From workplace annoyances to bathroom pet peeves and everything in between, another one comes to mind: university pet peeves. You know what’s ironic? The phrase “pet peeve” is a huge problem for me. It’s just one of those phrases that annoy me—ha, love it. Talking about pet peeves is all good, light, and funny until that thing actually happens and all goes to hell; then it’s all flipping tables, facepalming and repeatedly headdesking—granted none of those are actual terms (thank you, Internet world).

Here are just a few of my own—and I think pretty relatable—university pet peeves. (I am guilty of doing some of these myself, so please don’t take them personally.

1. The ‘there’s still a minute left’ professors.

You know them, the professors who start freaking out because you start packing up at 6:59. I’m sorry, I’m trying to catch a bus that leaves a minute after class ends, and you expect me to not start packing up? We don’t all have the luxury of a car and we’re all hungry and tired.

2. Aggressive commuters

Chill. We’re all in the same bus. Literally. There’s no need to shove anyone aside when they’re clearly ahead of you. I don’t mind sometimes but it’s downright disrespectful when there’s someone elderly waiting to go in and yet you persistently push through. It’s 8 a.m., no one wants to be here, and everyone has a lecture to go to. Common courtesy never hurt anyone, friend. Here’s a cupcake.

3. Thanks for the notice!

When you catch a 9 a.m. bus, run to IB, and hurry to land a seat in the lecture hall, only to find out that your lecture is cancelled and your next class is at 3 p.m. Thanks for posting the notice literally five minutes before class.

4. Long Tim Hortons lines.

Need I say more? When there’s only one accessible Tim Hortons on campus and everyone decides to get coffee, it is not pretty.

5. People talking in the quiet zones.

These people want to fight me. It’s a quiet zone for a reason. There’s no hidden meaning. Quiet doesn’t actually mean “as loud as you can possibly whisper”.

6. The link from CCT to the Library

Seems like turtles escaped from the ocean and are now socializing in the link between both locations. Please, continue talking to your friend while walking so that there isn’t a huge line of people glaring at you. Then you get mad at people for bumping into you—most of us are looking down while walking or too busy rushing to class to pay attention to people who stop midway and throw us off.

7. Copy/paste book to PowerPoint.

The professors who take the book and literally paste it word-for-word onto a PowerPoint and then read the PowerPoint word-for-word in class for two hours in the most monotonous voice possible. I want to understand things, not have them read to me again just so I don’t understand them again.

8. Then there are…

Two types of people: people who refuse to give you their notes if you don’t give them something back, and people who don’t bother showing up to any lecture without any legitimate reason and then ask for every single lecture handed to them in the form of electronic notes.

First group of people: I missed one lecture. It will not hurt you, I promise, to share your notes with me. We may be vying for the same grade but I won’t ruin you if you give me your notes for one lecture. In fact, I’ll be more than happy to help you later on in the course!

Second group of people: you don’t show up to any lecture at all (mind you, you paid for them) and then when there’s a midterm coming up, you email everyone asking for all their notes. I’m sorry to break it to you, but that’s really presumptuous of you. No one is going to just hand over all their semester’s hard work to you when you didn’t even want to show up to class. Please try to be more mindful of others and recognize how demanding that is.

So there we go! These are just some things that annoy me about university. Comment down below on what annoys you the most!

Do You Need Others to Make You Happy?

Hamna Awan

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Well, do you?

Personally, I think yes and no. I mean, social relationships are important. Having a group of people around you who love and care for you—family, friends, significant others… They make life more colourful.

In all fairness though, I’m an introvert. That is to say, I don’t mind being alone most of the time. In fact, I’d even go as far as to say I prefer it. But that’s not to say that I don’t need people in life—I do.

In high school, I used to be really insecure about losing friendships—that my friends would leave me or develop better friendships with other people.

The result of that? I became clingy. I needed constant reassuring that the people in my life intended to stay in my life. And I mean, no one likes a stage five cling-on. I felt like I was constantly defining myself by who my group of friends were, and when I was alone, who was I? I felt so part of a unit that, when I was alone, I felt weirdly incomplete.

For example, when I was doing things alone, I was genuinely bored. I didn’t know how to enjoy things by myself. I thought, “What’s the point of having experiences if you have them all by your lonesome?”

So, when starting university, I made a conscious choice to not let people have that kind of effect on me. To make a real effort to define myself by my own standards. I wanted to feel like a whole and complete person all the time, not just around others.

So, I began doing things on my own: commuting, sitting alone in lectures, going to the library alone, etc. That’s not to say that I went out of my way to not spend time with people—if I happened to bump into someone I knew, of course I hung out with them. The difference now was that I just wasn’t constantly looking for people to fill every moment of every day.

At first, it was super uncomfortable. I mean, I had no one to talk to. It was just…boring. But you know what they say (whether it’s in reference to this point or most others)—it just takes time. And surely enough, it slowly got better. Over time, I felt more and more comfortable doing things on my own, and now when I’m in a situation where I don’t have friends around me to lean on, I’m completely and utterly all right.

Again, that’s not to say that I cut my friends out completely—I still see them and hang out with them a lot. And they’re still very important people in my life. The major difference now is that I don’t need to be around them constantly to feel good about myself. The time I spend with them now is not the only time I’m having fun. I can do it by myself too.

So, “Do you need others to make you happy?”

By the way I’ve been rambling on, it sounds like I’m about to say “No, all you need is yourself!”, right? But I’m not.

Social relationships are still important. We just need to be careful to not define ourselves based on them. It’s important that we have people to spend time with and have fun with, but it’s also important to make sure that those aren’t the only times we’re having fun. There needs to be a balance.

Yin and Yang, my friend. Yin and Yang.

These relationships should be there in your life because you want them, not because you need them. Ya know what I’m saying?

So, then…

Do I need others to make me happy? Heck nah.

Do I want others in my life who make it better, richer, and happier just by being in it? Heck yes.

Driftwood Friendships

Marium Faisal

 

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When we’re five, six, eight years old, our friendships don’t have many criteria. You like playing with the same toys as I do and love colouring outside the lines? Great! Bestest friends forever. As young tiny children, we collected friends like candy. We had lunch with them during our break time, we played with them during playground time, and we exchanged juice boxes when we didn’t like what our mother had packed for us. Friendship as kids had an aura of innocence around it—long-lasting relationships with no end in sight. You grew up with the same people through elementary, middle, and high school. In middle school, you started developing personalities but your group of friends had become so familiar to you, there was no need to find new ones. You shared new secrets with them and had lots of sleepovers and just as much laughter. But then high school came along and things started changing; your relationships with your friends started wading through deep waters and into this weird realm between friendship and acquaintances.

There are so many reasons why friends just drift apart no matter how strong they think their bond is. One is that personalities really start to show themselves and you begin to realize that the group of friends you had since second grade have almost nothing in common with you. But you can’t just leave them behind. After all, they know everything there is to know about you and they never left you behind for anything. It would be so hard to find a new group of friends who accept all your weird and quirky habits as they do, so you stay, but then things get quiet because you find less and less to talk about and the only thing you have in common is that math homework. You stay because you’re comfortable and they’re familiar. But friendships also fade away because of distance. People say long-distance relationships are hard, but who said they’re only talking about romantic relationships? Platonic relationships can be just as hard to maintain. Your schedules no longer match, you’re in completely different time zones, and finding time to fit in Skype becomes a struggle you don’t want to face anymore. It starts with Skype every week, to Skype once a month, to Skype when you have time, until occasionally catching up on WhatsApp becomes regular.

But then there are those friendships that are like a whole piece of driftwood that broke in half for no reason other than it happened—friendships where two people are joined at the hip and for no other reason than life or fate, they break apart and float in separate directions. It’s very likely that this is on the list of “some of the worst tragedies that have happened to people” because there is just no explanation for why it happened. Sometimes people come into your life just to leave you and you come into their life just to leave them so soon. These are the ones with lasting impacts—the ones that drift apart so slowly you could swear there wasn’t an exact moment when everything changed.

If you have a friendship that is worth a thousand moons, hold onto it like the world holds onto gravity because both don’t exist without the other.

Please Don’t Take Offence… I’m Just a Little Weird.

Darren Clift

 

We all have those days when we just don’t feel like talking to other people. It’s not that we don’t like them… It’s just that the particular day you’re having is what you would define as an “off day”. Perhaps you’re bummed out by an unpleasant mark or you didn’t get enough sleep the night before. Perhaps conversations with others have never come easy to you, simply because you’re shy or you don’t know how to carry a conversation and respond to social cues. Or, you avoid talking to others in any way possible, in which case, I’m afraid to say, you’re a socially awkward person. Take it from someone—yeah, me—who is just now starting to explore what it means to have dynamic and meaningful discussions for the first time as a young adult. Yes, many of my attempts at conversation come across as forced and uncoordinated, but they reflect the kind of person I’ve been for most of my life.

I’ve always struggled to make conversation with others; it’s been a constant struggle of mine ever since I outgrew my overconfident personality in grade school. That doesn’t mean I’m rude or that I dislike other people—I’m just a little unsure about how to respond and act around others in social settings. This tendency of mine to shy away from talking to others has led me to live a quiet lifestyle: I read a lot of books, watch a lot of YouTube, I don’t attend very many parties or social gatherings and I rarely use social media. Does that mean I’m weird? Well… Maybe a little, but by no means am I a rude or inconsiderate person. I often go out of my way to accommodate others, even if they choose not to acknowledge it. It’s just the way that I am: I’m an introvert who makes subtle attempts at being extroverted. They may not always have the desired effect, but they are just that: attempts to finally put myself out there.

If these qualities are reflective of you as well, socially awkward weirdoes unite! But seriously, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Try to outgrow your necessity to avoid conversations, and instead find some other way to interact meaningfully with others. At our core, we all have the desire to get along with everyone. Sometimes that gets lost in translation, or by an apparent inability to communicate effectively.

To those that love to talk, please don’t take offence. We socially awkward students just take time to come out of our shells. Please don’t confuse our reluctance to share information with abrasiveness—we want to get to know you, but we might not know how to do so effectively. We all have ideas that are worthy of being shared. Just remember to be patient and to give others a chance, because there is surely some social context in which we all feel a little weird.

Social interaction, Our Long Lost Friend

Christine Sharma

 

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By myself, as usual.

I spot an available Mac in the Mac lab in IB.

I slide into a chair and fire up the computer, tea in hand, iPhone tangled in wires, earphones rested in ears.

I click on Microsoft Word.

I see the girl to my right lean towards me and whisper:

“Can you watch my bag?”

What do I say?

  1. NAH.
  2. *tight head nod, still staring at screen*
  3. *look over and smile* Of course!

Ten points if you guessed the second one.

Ah, the day-to-day struggle of a UTM student. Watching other people’s things, participating in class, taking public transit, being a group member—a series of social interactions. I don’t know about you, but as the years have passed and I’ve developed into an average third-year UTMer, I have become less and less inclined to interact with people even though my day is full of potential interactions.

Imagine yourself as a first-year student. You just got out of high school, super-involved, super-excited. You hop off the bus; you thank the bus driver. You walk into lecture; you smile at the prof and your peers. You take a seat; you try and make conversation with the people next to you. Someone asks you to watch their bag; you smile and say okay and wonder if your new best friend just asked you to watch their things. The possibilities! The people! Life!

Naiveté. Yes, I am blaming university for my decreasing social skills and general life excitement.

Personally, as the years have passed, I prefer to stick my earphones in my ears, keep my head down and text through the hallways, and grunt as opposed to talk. Often, I find that I don’t want to say things anymore, don’t want to meet people anymore. Is something wrong with me, or do the years of solo studying, music-listening, texting, reduced social events, and oversized classes have an isolating impact on the average UTMer?

I’m going to guess the latter. Haven’t you seen the posts on Spotted? You know, the ones about being sad and not having made any friends at UTM.

Let’s think back to my impromptu list of social interactions that we all have in an average day, and some more: passing your bus driver, sitting beside people in lecture, being a group member, buying food, coffee, or a book from a cashier. These interactions are what we make of them, and, personally, I haven’t made much.

I’m not going to advise you to join a club. I’m not even going to advise you to do a 180 and magically keep your head up in the hallways and smile at everyone.

I think that it’s more important to make the few social interactions that you are presented with worthwhile. Think of them as practicing your social skills in the little time you get to be social on campus, for the real world.

You know, the place with jobs and lives we all work for in our time here.

Can we make a pact to work on our social skills together? University should not be the land of retreating into our shells—these are supposed to be some of the best years of our lives.

So, the next time we get off the bus, let’s thank the bus driver. Let’s say “hi” to our cashiers, let’s put our hand up once in lecture, let’s smile at two people a day, let’s create quality small talk, let’s make eye contact with people we talk to, even the people who ask us to watch their things.

Together, we can get our social skills back, UTMers! This is not the end of our personalities.

Tackling the Abyss – Life After University

Hamna Awan

“So, What’re Your Plans After University?”

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Should I be a scientist?

Should I be a teacher?

Should I be a building???

Should I be a cat?????

Ah, the great existential question. Perhaps the most important of our young adult lives—and certainly one on all our minds as we near the end of our undergraduate careers and prepare to be launched into the bloodbath that is the job market.

The truth is, the possibilities are endless. All we really have to do is weigh our preferences with our talents and skills, and match those up with real world opportunities.

So then, what is it about this question that makes it seem so absolutely terrifying?

Personally, I think it’s fear.

The fear of incompetence. The fear that what we are setting out to do is beyond our measure of talent and ability.

We fear that a few years from now, we’ll be struggling while our friends and classmates are thriving—that we’ll have to return to the herd hanging our heads in defeat because we failed. I mean, we’re terrified that we’ll be knocking back a few with all our accountant and lawyer friends who knew exactly what they were going to do and who they were going to be right from freshman year, and who now earn six-figure salaries. (Guess who’s picking up the tab tonight…)

And this fear can be all-consuming—if we let it.

As a third-year student myself, I feel like I’m standing right at the edge of the cliff, preparing to take the plunge. And the closer I get to the summer of 2016, the more time I spend trying to tackle the uncertainty of life after university. I find these thoughts and fears flying through my mind on almost a daily basis. Scratch that—definitely on a daily basis. Multiple times a day, really.

What is it that I really want to do in the world? Where can my degree take me? Will I be earning enough money to lead a comfortable and happy lifestyle? Is this field something I can see myself in for the next 40 years or so? Will I be good at it?

And believe me, there are times when I get so confused and frustrated in trying to figure out my life that I just want to curl into a fetal position and let the emotional roller coaster take me where it may. (If you ever find me in this position—you now know why. Do not be alarmed.)

With that said, there are a couple of things I think is important to keep in mind.

Número uno: It’s not about the money.

Okay, kind of. Money is important, because we need it to survive and exist in today’s consumer-driven culture. But really, money is not everything.

I once read a Buzzfeed article and something from it stayed with me. It was about a nurse who documented the things the elderly would say on their deathbeds, and specifically what their biggest regrets were—the most common of them being that they had spent too much time trying to earn more and more money, and not enough time with their loved ones.

Am I alone in saying this gives me chills?

Lesson? Do not waste your youth trying to obtain wealth—the best kind of wealth is in the form of experiences and loved ones. I mean, no one on their deathbed is gonna talk about how happy they are that they still have a million dollars in the bank.

Número dos: You answer to you.

And no one else. The only standards you have to live up to are your own.

You decide your life. You decide what it is you’re going to do and how you’re going to spend your time. If you truly believe that the only way you’re going to be happy in the world is to obtain mass amounts of material wealth—hey man, by all means, go for it. You’re the only one who has to live with your decisions at the end of the day.

I realize this blog post was a bit of a whirlwind experience, but if there’s anything you take away from it, I hope it’s this:

  • You can do whatever it is you want in the world—you just have to know what that is.
  • Establish your priorities, and keep in mind the grand scheme of life.

An Introvert’s Guide to UTM: Finding Success and Meaning in an Intimidating Learning Environment

Darren Clift

 

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It’s not easy being green… or, as it turns out, being an introvert while attending university. The world just isn’t made for those that are not comfortable with socializing or extending themselves outwards to others. I definitely fit the description of an introverted individual: I keep to myself a lot of the time, I’m quiet in social settings and I rarely add to discussions unless it’s about something that I feel very strongly about. It can be intimidating putting yourself out there, especially in university… but by doing so, you will learn more about yourself and the world around you than you ever have in your life. I’ll discuss three things that I’ve learned to overcome my introversion while studying at UTM for the past three months and I hope you can identify with at least a few of my observations, suggestions and opinions. They may seem obvious to you, but that’s the intention.

The first thing I’ve learned is that university life can be lonesome when you don’t incorporate social interactions into your routine. It’s vital to set aside time during the week for homework and studying, but also to engage in some form of person-to-person contact that is meaningful to you. It can be a club, a team or a volunteer opportunity; some activity that you enjoy and that forces you to work with others in a productive, fun way. After spending several evenings alone in my room and experiencing just how unsatisfying it can be, I resolved to discover activities that get me involved on campus; despite having less time to myself, I haven’t regretted that decision. Remember: “free time” doesn’t always have to be “me time”.

Another suggestion: get involved at UTM in whatever way that you can. This campus is where you will invest or have invested an incredible amount of time and money to obtain a higher education; make that decision and commitment you have made count! Join your program’s student society or a student government. Make your unique opinions heard. If a leadership position is not for you, help out at an organized event during the year; develop connections that will benefit you throughout your years here. Everyone has valuable opinions and ideas that deserve to be heard. You have the chance to improve UTM now and for generations of students to come, so get out there and do something about it. Your legacy awaits…

Finally: it never hurts to try something new, to get outside your comfort zone. This is the most important step to enjoying university life as an introvert and probably the most difficult. Introverts have the tendency to deny themselves the opportunity to try out things that they may be interested in, but exist outside their level of comfort. The only way you’ll overcome your shyness is to take the risk – if that risk isn’t too great, that is (I once wanted to play rugby… I am so glad my parents said “NO!”). Have faith in yourself and know that others have faith in you. You will discover something about yourself, guaranteed. Whether it’s beneficial or not, you will be much wiser moving forward. There is risk in everything that you do in life. Take advantage of your curiosity, because who doesn’t want to have an exciting life full of brave, new experiences?

These are only three of the things I’ve learned to do to that have helped me navigate and arguably succeed at UTM as an introvert. Use these suggestions to develop your own list of recommendations. The generations of undergraduate students to come will thank you for it!

Why is introversion still seen as something we need to “overcome”? The descriptions in this article made me feel like I was reading about someone who is shy and has low self-esteem. People are still ignorant about what introversion really is! The terms “introvert” and “shy” are used interchangeably in the article, which shows that the person doesn’t really know what introversion means. Introversion does not mean we are too scared to be around other people or too scared to socialize. It does not mean we are aliens around other people. It does not mean we do not “have faith in ourselves.” It simply means we need alone time to recharge. It also means (depending on the person) that we don’t like to engage in meaningless conversation. Introverts hate small talk, and that’s why we avoid talking to strangers in the first place unless we have something meaningful to say. Why does being an introvert mean we can’t have an exciting life? Why does “exciting” have to always be attached to other people? Why am I considered “lacking faith in myself” if I prefer to spend my Saturday night reading a good book instead of being at a party?

Indeed, it is not easy being an introvert in an extroverted world, especially in university. We are misunderstood and seen as depressed, “anti-social” (which I think any university student should know is a wrong choice of words), shy, weird, lacking self-confidence….

If you want to address the struggle of an introvert in university, please discuss the system in which most classes have at least 10-15% for participation in class, in which introverts struggle to have their voices heard because they do not function the same way extroverts do.

Why is intelligence associated with a louder voice?

I am an introvert, and I found this article insulting.

Different people function in different ways. Some people prefer being around lots of other people, while others prefer a smaller group. Some people are comfortable sharing their thoughts out loud, others prefer to keep to themselves. Some people like speaking what’s on their minds; others prefer writing it. Some people would choose to present in a classroom of 200 students; other prefer writing an essay.

Just because we are introverts doesn’t mean we do not have a social life. It means we are selectively social. And if being alone is unsatisfying, maybe this person is a shy extrovert? or an extrovert who lacks self-esteem? And according to our corrupt society standards, they are seen as “introverts.”

Thank you for your criticism. I am sorry that my blog made you feel insulted: that was not the intention. I agree with what you are saying; however, I was just voicing my own views and opinions on an issue that, believe it or not, I am very familiar with. I am introverted, perhaps not as much as I thought before reading your blog: I love to write, read and partake in quiet activities. That is not something I am ashamed of, and no one who is introverted should be either. However, it is my belief that society demands for introverted people to have their voice heard and to try new things, or else lose out on fulfilling opportunities that they would otherwise rarely experience ; a sad reality, no doubt, but it is just the society that we live in.  I live in a household with a seriously introverted sister ; I observe  the tremendous struggles she is forced to go through everyday for being socially anxious. It is difficult to see others take advantage of her because of her disposition, but it is clear that she would surely become more confident in herself if she became more involved at her university and talked to others who share her unique, and highly insightful views. Thank you for sharing your critical opinions and insight. They will be remembered and taken to heart.

Thanks.

Regards,

Darren